Here we are but straying pilgrims....

The stress was mounting.  I was torn 

between trying to let go and tear away and hanging onto the roots that had taken hold for almost a decade and a half.  We hopped from one "goodbye" to the next.  We put up a tiny little Christmas tree with some discount ornaments because all our other items had been packed.  There was a ting of excitement frosted with a lot of nervousness and sprinkled with a little reluctance.  

You see, this was me four years ago, almost to the day.  We were packing up our house of over a decade, the one I brought my babies home too, and moving to an illusive place called Memphis, where I was sure I was going to be shot.  You know, because everyone that moves to Memphis lives out their own "48 Hours" reality TV show as soon as they enter the suburbs of the area!  

Not true!  But....

I did not know that yet and I was sure about two things.....

1.  That no one would visit me. 

And 

2.  I was going to hate it.  

Homesickness set in and I am pretty sure my dear sweet friends in Memphis simultaneously patted my back and hugged me while rolling their eyes which inferred for me "to get a grip."  I spent a good year being homesick. 

But during that year we were meeting some of the greatest people on the planet!  Seriously folks, you really need to make Memphis a go-to place for yourself. 

I've found in reflection that I had some growing to do.  The only way for that to happen was transplanting.  Not many have indoor house plants but growing up my mom had a ton and when the plant was bigger and had outgrown it's current pot you would have to move it to a bigger one thereby "transplanting" it.  I was a Northern, Yankee, Buckeye in a Sounthern, SEC, Blusey kind of place.....you don't get much more transplanted than that my friends.  

So here I am four years from that time and transplanted again.  I believe reflection is warranted and even commanded from God.  Have I learned all he wanted me to during this sojourn?  I hope so.  I know he will teach me more as time goes on and more "transplanting"happens.  So in no particular order....what I learned and am learning through two moves, a baby and chaos.....

1.  Meeting people.  Getting out there and meeting souls is a beautiful thing.  I like my comfort zone but these geographical moves made me seek people.  I have met some of the best and some I will love eternally!  I never would have met them in my first planted pot.  Would I go back and do it all again?  Absolutely!!!  Memphis, Fort Wayne....it doesn't matter, people need each other and I've had the privilege to expand my people!  Thank you for being my people!!

2.  I saw more than my own mindset.  Even though people are people, there are cultural differences between different regions in the U.S.  Moving had got me outside my own mindset, allowing me as Atticus says, in To Kill A Mockingbird, "walk around in someone else's shoes." The south really does have some great manners.  They are some of the most hospitable people I know.  I love the values they pass to their children.  But the North also has so many attributes!  Loyalty, friendship, family.  My world and it's view has expanded thanks to my travels.  Never would I thought I would have questioned Abraham Lincoln's moves during the Civil War but after living in that part of the country I find it interesting to discuss if he abused his power during that time.  I digress, but you see how I questioned some long held assumptions about myself.  

3.  I've written about this before on my love for Memphis but in reflection, I am thankful for my moves because......BBQ Nachos came into my life!  BBQ Nachos ....just go there and try them.  You will never regret it.  

4.  Being away made me appreciate being home.  It made me appreciate my family and my time with them. They did come visit (although probably less for me and more for reason #3) and we went home to visit.  

5.  Home really is where the heart is.  So if that is true I have about a dozen "homes" scattered around the Eastern half of the U.S.  My heart is with people I love (refer to #1!). My sister's homes, my parents', in laws and all my dear friends who I've shared with are all "home."  

6.  I'm pretty sure God never wanted us to get too comfy here.  In not saying that everyone has to move....but I'm saying that I use the moves as my remembrance that I'm going "home" one day. Abraham was told to leave family and home.  Joseph was sold away from family and home.  Esther was away from home when big things were laid at her feet to deal with.  I am not to like here so much that I lose my longing for heaven.  So Dayton, Memphis, Fort Wayne should never be so comfortable for me that I wish to just eat, drink and be merry!  

As my family and I settle into yet a new home, I hope that I can continue to reflect and learn.  I was a stray and through the Shepherd, I am brought home.  Thank you Lord!!

Why we have taken a CC (Classical Conversations) break.....

Some of you reading this may have come to CC through me and some may have chatted with me about it at some point or another.  I don't really owe an explanation for our choice but I feel that maybe some were curious when you are the cheer section for CC for many years and then all of a sudden you quietly back away.

To follow is a couple of my famous disclaimers: 

1.  I still love CC.  And may go back to it.  

2. I have sat through 8-9 practicums and I get the classical method or CC's version of it really well so I need no "refresher" course in the trivium or Classical methodology.

That being said, I have enjoyed being away from CC for the past few months.  I miss my friends and community but we were relocating anyway and that would have been a fact no matter if we had continued or not in our new location.  To make this easier to break down I am just going to list a few reasons we have broken with not only the CC model but the curriculum as a whole.

1.  We have done it for 7 years.  My son was starting his third round of cycle 1.  Repetition is good, but for us, it sounded tedious.  I had also in these years seen CC grow which was good but with severe growing pains.  I missed some of the things that were done well when CC was small.

2.  We were not happy.   The last couple of years my son and I were miserable.  I can never blame that all on curriculum choice, but I do know that since we changed my son specifically, likes his work.

3.  The memory master competition that works so well for so many students to motivate them, did not work well for my students when they once again failed.  My children learned so much under CC but it was always shadowed as they failed because they did not obtain Memory Master.  We were not going to sacrifice all on the alter of Memory master.  Please do not misunderstand me.  I feel that MM is a wonderful reward and there are so many families that work hard and obtain their goal with guidance and prayer.  But there is also the other side to this were it is a matter of pride and stubbornness.   So my average students, although learning and growing each year, often felt they had failed miserably when that reward was not obtained.

4.  My priorities changed.  After many years of feeling that my involvement in CC as director and tutor were for my children, I found that they were not.  They took away from my children.  This was my situation alone.  I am not saying that every director or tutor is taking away from their children.  I was taking from mine!  This year, I am present with my children.  It has been a refreshing break.

5.  CC is one interpretation of  the classical method.  It is a good one, making classical realistic for me for many years.  But....as I have read and studied, I am looking for a bit more of a synthetic (or our education having more synthesis) than was translated in using the CC curriculum.  "To Know God and to make Him Known" often got lost in our daily parrot of memory work.  I wanted to study things more as a whole.  How they all interconnect and to ultimately get to truth.  (I realize that the foundations phase is prep for that but my deep thinking 11 year old was ready to move on.)

6.  I love memory work and the foundation that it gave my children but I want to start to move beyond the poll parrot!  They knew facts and would light up if they heard anything relating to something they could recite but that is exactly where it stopped.  I guess my son was getting more dialectic than the curriculum was allowing.

7.  We were missing out on some other things that have made our home and school enjoyable.  My kids have loved good literature and enjoying the discussion of it.   We have loved walks and field trips more because we can take a day here and there.  We do not lose a whole day and spend another day recouping from our CC community day.

Again, I love CC and may go back to it at some point, but after seven years some of it's weaknesses were wearing on me.  I have seen a fire and light in my son that has not been there for many years.  He is more confident and more talkative and inquisitive.  He no longer second guesses himself or feels complete failure when he doesn't remember week 6's Latin memory work.

We are learning and having fun doing it and isn't that the goal for all homes?  I want my children to remember with fondness the memories of us learning together.

Oh and by the way.....

8.  I am learning so much too!    

These moments....

To the world that just won't slow down, 

You will have to forgive me for a moment.  Actually, I've needed your pardon for many of these moments over the past 11 months.  You see this little thing with her hand on my neck like I could just evaporate away at any moment needs rocked and cuddled.  She is three days shy of 11 months.  It's quiet up here and we are in our favorite spot (the glider) and she smells so sweet.  I have so few of these moments left.  In a short year she will be so different.  Sure she will want to be cuddled but it will be shorter quicker bursts not this droopy, limp, ball of sweetness I am holding right now.  It's mushy I know but I have loved this part of motherhood.  The snugly part.  The part where mommy and daddy are their whole world and they know nothing but love and comfort.  For the day is coming, when that innocence starts to change with knowledge.  I have things to do, but really this is what I need to do.  I've done it with no regrets.  I've held all three of my babies while they slept.  Some would say I have Charlotte spoiled.  But can you really spoil with love?  She's this little for this moment and I'm going to savor it.  Tomorrow she will be bigger and she will be one day closer to the day where she would rather play and be on the run than melt into mommy in sleepy abandon.  So you can find me right here in my glider world.  But don't bother me unless you have too because baby is sleeping!!!  Shhhhh......

Sports, a teaching tool.....

I have been in many conversations with homeschoolers and Christians in general about the worldliness of sports.  Their concerns from observations are often valid.  There are many negative aspects of character and content that come out during organized play of a sport.  I've heard named the concerns of language, moral influence, time constraints, interference with study or more "worthy" pursuits (after my argument I hope you find that sports can be a worthy pursuit) all as reasons their child or family is not involved in sports.  

Can I offer some positives of sports and a child playing an organized sport?  

First, I am biased, but only partly!  I am not athletic.  I learned to play and appreciate the sports of volleyball, soccer and gymnastics but I was never at a passion for them.  Then I married an athletic man who had positive and negative sports experiences and together we had three little rookies.  The boy, from birth loved anything with a ball, wrestling with daddy and running as fast as his legs at that time would carry him.  My daughter, too, would run as gracefully as a doe and quick as a sprite.  I am thankful that they received those gifts from God.  I have suffered for a lifetime with clumsiness and an awkward run.  I have become more athletic in my later life after finding a passion for preserving my health!  So I am only biased in the fact that we do participate in sports.  Our level would be heavy participation to some and light to others, but between our children we are in sports nearly year round. 

Why?  Let me list some positives.   These are not in order of importance or priority.   

1.  Activity is important to us.  Caring for the physical body God gave us is important.  Play, training and even the act of eating for sport training is a integral part of forming habits for a healthy lifestyle.  

2.  Sports help in character building and training.  In fact, it helps in so many areas of character I could write a whole blog about that.  To name a few: 

• Submission to authority
• Working together with others
• Controlling one's emotions and frustration (self-control)
• Turning negatives into positives
• Sacrifice and reward
• How to win and how to lose
• Comradeship
• Discipline
• Organization
• Surviving trials
• Consequences for one's actions

3.  Relationships with coaches are a blessing in life.  Now this can also be a curse.  Some coaches are just plain horrible and many lessons are learned through that.  But, if a coach is good he wants his players lives to be in the best order possible so that they are not bringing more baggage on the field or court than necessary.  A good coach is going to care about a students grades, attendance in class, treatment of teachers, parents and siblings, moral character and physical health.  A good coach can be a parent's second voice, providing you with a bit of back up on what you have been telling your child all along.  If your child has a good coach thank God and then thank him/her.  If your child has a coach that is less than stellar, use that as a teaching tool for how we deal with someone not conducting themselves in a moral way.  

4.  It is an opportunity to let your child's light shine.  Are you throwing rotten tomatoes at me?  I know one of the homeschooler's main reasons for homeschooling is that their child is "in training" to be a light and it's not their time yet to be that to the world.  I disagree with this or at least have a different take.  Sports can be a place to let them practice this.  They can lead the prayer (if allowed).  Treatment of their teammates goes a long way in helping a child use some of the things you are trying to teach them.  Finally, treatment of their opponent and training in that area, is one of my favorite things to see exercised while watching sport competition for my son or daughter.  I've seen some beautiful lights for both of my sport playing children.  I've seen my son reach down and help an opponent off the basketball court floor.  I've seen both my children check on a hurt opponent and high five the other team win or lose.  I've seen children flip jersey's inside out and join the opposing team just so they all could play a game when enough opponents couldn't show up.  I'll sum up by saying that sports have provided opportunities for my children to shine.  Sports make them reach out to their fellow man and shake his hand even when on opposite sides.  

5.  They have fun!  Now if a child, does not enjoy sports, this is a reason to not participate!  However, my children really enjoy playing.  My conversations, with some people say that sports eat up too much valuable time that takes away from more worthy pursuits.  Okay, that may be the case for you, but for my family, the fun, character building and teamwork,  among other things they learn through sports programs make them a great bang for my buck.  

So I say, if they want to play, let them play!  I try not to compartmentalize our life too much.  Our life is a journey of endless learning.  Every time my son straps on equipment or walks onto a court or my daughter takes the field, they are learning.  They are growing and forming.  I thank God for those lessons they learn and have learned while playing competitively.  They are invaluable.  

 

Why I do not send my baby to bible class.....

So.....yeah, I'm going to talk about this.  I realize that I am wading into controversial waters here.  I realize that some moms come in on Sunday morning and the baby classes for young children help her to actually hear something that may encourage her to keep on keeping on in the following week.  When I write this I must let you know that this is what has worked for me.  This is what I am comfortable with.

A couple of disclaimers:

1.  The women who teach and organize the classes I do not use are wonderful and talented people and are doing a wonderful work!
2.  I believe that children do and can learn at young ages!
3.  In my post I am mostly talking about why I do not use classes for my children when they are younger than two.
4.  Just hear me out.  You do not have to make the same decision but let's at least hear one another out and be mutually appreciative for the blessing of choice!


This has become more of an issue in the last decade.  I never had to decide anything about this for my 11 year old son.  However, it has had to be a discussion and decision in our family with my 7 year old and possibly at some point my 9 month old.

When I was a child, I grew up in the church.  I started bible classes at about two years old and I believe my mother attended with me for a short period of time.  I have fond memories of early bible classes!  Yes, I still remember some of them from around 3 or 4 years old.  I loved my teachers, I loved God and the whole institution was a positive one for me!  My parent's were new converts and it was an aid in teaching their young child and bringing me up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord when they themselves were just babes in Christ.

Somewhere within the last decade we have began to implement younger and younger classes.  These start Godly instruction at a young age and also provide a break for the mother to possibly hear a portion of the bible study they are apart of.  I get it.  I really do.  Sundays and Wednesday nights are hard.  Sometimes just being able to hear a small snippet from the word is a lifeline.

But.....I do not choose to send my babies to bible class.  I start my children around two and even then at their own comfort level.  Why, you ask?  Well, you didn't but it's my blog so I am going to share.  :)

Reasons I do not participate in a baby class:
1.  My baby is just that for such a short period of time.  They need their mommy and they need to be held and cuddled and communicated that this time is important and a positive time for worship and the Lord.  Yes, I am teaching my baby that every time I enter the church building.  Because no matter how hard it is and no matter the behavior they give me, I am showing them that this is important to me.
2.  My idea of a healthy child and yours may not match.  I would rather keep my baby with a runny nose from teething with me rather than with other babies and then find out later that the runny nose was actually a cold.  Just my preference.
3.  Babies and young children are the most vulnerable.  I am very concerned about our churches today and the lack of concern, education and protocol for  keeping our children safe and also our members.  We live in a world where our children are prey for predators.  We have some of our defenses down at church and we feel like we are with family (we are and we should be able to do that).  However, we must be smart and until I see a better response in our churches in regards to this, I prefer to keep my children with me until they have a voice.  Just my preference.
4.  This reason is just a question, Are we expecting babies to grow up too fast?
5.  I hate to hear my baby or any baby cry just because they do not want their mommy to leave them with strangers.  (not that they are strangers to me but to my baby, it is not ME!)
6.  Hannah waited until he was weaned and possibly about three years old...".24 After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull,[e] an ephah[f] of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh. 25 When the bull had been sacrificed, they brought the boy to Eli, 26 and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord.27 I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.28 So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to theLord.” And he worshiped the Lord there." I Samuel 1:24-28
7.  Most churches already have a teacher crunch.  I like to not teach when my baby is young so a baby class in my opinion is usually putting a strain on needed teacher resources for other classes.  

Again, these are my personal (very personal) reasons.  If you find that you gain encouragement and a much needed breather from the baby class than by all means please continue.  I just thought I would share these thoughts as my reasoning process.  May the Lord continue to bless us as we seek to grow in the Lord and help our children to do the same.  

You have to get mad.....

So many people have asked, "What are you doing?" or "How have you done this?"

I hesitate to write this as I am still on this journey.  I am by no means an expert, and for that matter, I owe a debt of gratitude to many people, but namely God for my success on this journey.

What is the journey, you ask.  Or......maybe you didn't ask but you are humoring me by continuing to read, and I thank you for that.

My journey is one of wellness.....

W-E-L-L-N-E-S-S!

Let me tell you what my journey was not.....

It was not a quick fix.  or a fad.  or a weight loss program.....


Yes, you heard me right....it was not and is still not a weight loss journey.

It is health, it is strength and it is wellness.

You see about two and a half years ago, I got mad!  I mean really mad.  I was not old but I was no longer in my twenties.  Hmph, I was no longer in my early 30's either.  However, I was too young to have the health warnings I was having.  Some of the things I was having, if I had the guts to tell a doctor probably would have had me labeled with some pretty heavy diagnoses.  After I ate heavy meals I would need a nap.  My blood pressure was unchecked and I was in denial that it was as big a problem as it was.  My weight kept increasing and my hunger kept growing.  My PCOS was raging and uncontrollable.  I could barely jog down to the corner (and believe me it wasn't that far).  I was headed for a lot of health problems and probably a life cut 10-20 years shorter if I didn't do something.

All of a sudden, I realized that I was a horrible example of health to my daughter and son.  Also, my Christian example to the world was in question.  Why?  Because if I examine this aspect of my life and find it lacking, but do not seek to change or "repent" of past wrongs then I am violating Romans 6:1...."What shall we say then?  Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound?"  And trust me, there was sin involved.  Food was an idol.  Not fuel for my body to be enjoyed but an all thought consuming time sucking obsession.  I was always hungry but then after eating the all consuming guilt of "I shouldn't have eaten that" would loop into a viscous cycle that occupied my thoughts more than the Lord.  Please know that I am not saying you are sinning because you are struggling with health aspects.  I am saying that I was sinning and needed to change!

So, I began to make small changes.  First, I went gluten free.  (I still majorly limit my gluten intake) Now this may not be necessary for you, but I looked around at my sisters.  Essentially we have similar genetic make-ups and I looked at what they did differently than me.  Also I noticed that at the end of the day, I was bloated in my abdomen to an uncomfortable level.  My sister's have celiac disease, but I do not.  When I cut out gluten, I very quickly lost 20 lbs and the bloating went away.  I do eat some gluten today but still very little and I can tell when I have had too much.

But 20lbs was not enough.  I had a friend in our homeschool group that I looked at with envy because her and her husband ran a fitness studio and she was fit.  And when I say fit....she could bench press me, even at my heaviest weight!  I liked that she rarely talked about weight loss but was passionate about nutrition and exercise and that she practiced what she preached.  One day she posted a before and after of a lady who had been doing their bootcamp program and the most striking thing about her was the fact that her face looked healthy.  She had muscle tone and her whole countenance looked different.

Now I want a piece of that!

So I began working with Erica Hill and the Fusion Fitness staff.  I literally have made little changes, in the past two and a half years and stuck to them that way.  I went from couch potato to looking for ways to be active with my kids and while going about my daily life.  I'm still not perfect at this!  I lapse in nutrition and fitness but I now have a full appreciation of where I can go if I let myself go there again and I don't want to!

So here is my boiled down list of a few things that have helped me be successful losing 60 lbs and gaining some muscle along the way, lowering my blood pressure, controlling blood sugar levels and gaining more energy.  I hope my countenance has changed too!

1.  Do not wake up and try to change everything all in one day.  Make lifestyle changes slowly so you can work such things as fitness and clean eating into a new routine for yourself and your family.  We crash and burn when we try to change our whole lifestyle overnight!

2.  The scale is important but don't live by it.  How are your clothes feeling?  Have you lost inches?  Are you gaining muscle?  I would only weigh once a week at the most.

3.  You can exercise till you are blue in the face (or red like me) and you will not see results till you are fueling your body with good fuel.  Clean eating.  I was told in a nutrition seminar, if God didn't make it, then you shouldn't eat it.  Follow that rule the majority of the time and watch your healthy glow become more pronounced.

4.  Invest.  This means you may have to upfront some cost.  Boot camp was a sacrifice for me and my family and it made me more committed.  It is also scheduled where you have an "appointment" for that time.  Sorry, but getting to the gym rarely happens!

5.  Build a network and have them hold you accountable.  Don't work out alone.  Meet people, go to classes and schedule your workouts.

6.  Don't give up!  When I became pregnant with Charlotte (nearly a miracle because I had not been able to but you know losing 50 pounds will do that to you.) I assumed I would have a completely healthy pregnancy, as I was trying to do everything I could do to have one.  But, I still had complications.  I felt like a failure.  Then, a friend shared with me what a mess I could have been in and how sick I could have been if I had not taken the steps for my health that I had taken.  On that note....

7.  Look how far you have come instead of how much farther you have to go!  Now I am not saying do not make goals.....you have to have goals, but do not beat yourself up about how far you are.  Remember you could still be sitting on the couch with a death sentence over you because your cholesterol numbers basically imply that you are a solid block of Crisco!

8.  If you take nothing else from this....please cut out pop!  Just do it for yourself!  Or make it a once in a while special treat.....practice the 90/10 rule.

9.  While we are on that...work to severely limit your sugar intake.  You will thank me later and your watermelon and apple will begin to taste good again and you will make that dessert!

10.  Be kind to yourself.  You are worth this work and effort.  God made you and Jesus loves you and you are worth taking the time to improve your health.  You will be able to serve the Lord, your family and your neighbors better.

May the Lord Bless you in any effort you take for your health.

Before.....and not at my heaviest!  

Before at my heaviest and After.....praying that there is a change in my countenance! 

Letter to the world from a Christian.....

Dear World,

I realize that when I tell you I am a Christian several responses may be displayed.  Some of you may, roll your eyes and think that I am a blind, brainwashed and misguided.

Some of you may think, well that's nice for her but that just doesn't work for me.

Some of you may think, that I think I'm better than you.

Some of you may hate me.  Really hate me for my belief and faith.

Some of you may want to kill me for my belief and faith.

This letter is two fold.  I hope that the world looks at this and gives pause to a Christian's agenda for just a moment. I also hope that it renews a bit any Christians' agenda to have an urgency to talk about our faith and not to retreat in the current political climate. Do we have an agenda?  You better believe it!  My agenda, or my purpose is stated many times in the gospel's and throughout the New Testament but here I will reference Mark 16:15-16.

• "And he said to them, 'Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.  Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.'"

So yes, I have an urgent agenda!  I am on a mission and even though I often fail at it, I want you to be in the saved column.  No matter who you are and what you have done.  

The child molester.....I want you saved.  

The murderer.....I want you saved.

Coffee shop guy.....You too!  

My friend's on Facebook.....please!

You, reading this blog.....by all means!  

Will you allow me just a couple more minutes of your time?  No matter, in life how you view a believer in Christ, we as people all think about questions like the meaning of life, or what is my purpose in life?  The only difference is I look at it through glasses given to me by Jesus and you look through it with a different pair.  

I do not feel like I am better than you!  In fact, you probably are a better person than me!  But better people do not always make Christians.  You see, I am just a person who has and will continue to do bad things (although I am trying to be better) but the difference is in my belief and clinging to the fact that even though I have fallen, I am saved through my Savior.  I have hope of something better than this world.  Did you hear that little world?  Hope?  Can I ask a question?  A honest question.  Not meant to insult you or degrade you, but where is your hope?  What does it hold fast in?  

I'm begging you, can we just sit down and listen to one another?  You see, nothing between Christian and non-Christians will be resolved with media debates or screaming at each other through social media or pretending we have a conversation but we actually approach it with our preconceived notions and in just a minute we both turn our backs to each other because we have dug our heels in our respective traditions and have deemed each other not worthy of our time.  Nope, neither of us is going to be able to convince the other.  You may not care that you convince me but remember, I feel that eternal life is at stake.  I feel on my side the stakes are so much higher than a raising of my head in defiance and labeling you as "unteachable" and using one of the Christian's favorite quotes of "shaking the dust off our feet."  

With the stakes so high, if I could have my way.  We would part as friends.  Not enemies.  Why?  Because, I would like once again to revisit this conversation with you.  I want to buy you a cup of coffee and invite Jesus to sit down with us through his word and try again.  Why?  Because when it comes down to it and it is just one person (me) talking to one person (you), if I am wrong....then I've spent my life just trying to get people to be better versions of themselves and for myself to be better. However, if you are wrong and Christ really is our Savior, then you could be lost and that means for the infinity years of eternity, you and I will never be able to see one another again.  We will forever be separated.  Does it offend you that I call you "lost"?  But see I am not calling you that.  I do not feel that I am the judge of the universe.  The judge of the universe wrote a book though that tells me how he will guide his judgments and not trying to tell you about it is almost like me pushing you in front of speeding train.  I'm doing nothing to save you.  

If you had a secret that would save your neighbors life, would you not share it with him?  I find it amazing that you have an eternal soul.  It is priceless, therefore you are priceless and it is worth my effort to try and show you the one who can save it.  

Thank you for your minute.  I really have no other agenda than that.  I will make every effort to not get upset.  Although, if I fail, please forgive and remember that I believe with all my heart that a priceless masterpiece (you) is at stake.  

After that you may still feel like I am brainwashed, and dumb for believing a 2000 year old lie.  However, I'll do you one better.  I am so brainwashed that I believe that God had the plan of his son dying on a cross for my sins even before he made the world in Genesis one.  I believe that he made me anyway and loves me and when my life has it's ups and downs, I cling to that.  I cling to the fact that I am the daughter of a King.  I am saved through his son's precious blood.  If someday, that get's my body slaughtered on this earth, I pray my faith and hope are strong enough to endure and that I will keep my faith to the very end.  

You see, we are not so different, you and I.  We both, are just looking for the way to navigate this life, find meaning in it and leave a stamp on it.  I just think that I am doing it for a higher purpose.  World, what can I do for you?  I am not the enemy and if I may be so bold, I am just a mouthpiece for a hope that as  humans we all wish for.  You are beautiful, no matter your past sins and God sent his son to die for you.  Now go back and read Mark 16:16 again.  Follow it to the letter!  

Love, A fellow, severly flawed, sinful human